


Feelings.

by Shalandrassil (Fanferal)



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Crying, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 09:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanferal/pseuds/Shalandrassil
Summary: College AU with original characters, read at your own risk.Terras was left alone after the party. He was alone with no one but his thoughts.





	Feelings.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentally Ill character refers to them self as 'fucking psycho'. Eating Disorders, depression and other characters that Do Not have a full grasp on mental illness and how to handle it.   
> This was written as a vent by myself to vent my frustrations about my ED and how people around me seem to not care of emphasis with me. I am also a sponge for other people's feelings so I felt it was appropriate to torment my own character as a form of vent.

The position he was in was excruciatingly painful. On one hand, he wanted to lay down on the floor and give up, on the other, he reveled in the pain. It meant he was still alive.

Terras was resting his chin on the lip of the toilet bowl, leaning most of his body weight onto the porcelain. It was biting into his chin and god, did it hurt. The pain in his abdomen could almost match, after his fast food-alcohol-marijuana binge. His phone buzzed somewhere a few feet away on the tile from where it must have fallen out of his pocket while he was puking.

Weakly, he pawed for it. Tapped ‘accept’ and put it on speaker.

“Whats up dork, I’m on my way back from Cel’s birthday party, need anything? I’m stopping at CVS.” Noitora’s voice echoed through the bathroom. No. That was not the voice he wanted to hear on the other end of the phone right now. Literally anyone else could call him. Valar, Ardelle, hell, even one of his ex’s. Not Noitora.

“I’m good.” He mumbled, the echo sufficient enough to carry his voice. “Unless you can get me more weed.” 

“You been pukin’? You’re in the bathroom right now.” 

“I wanna fucking die, Noitora.” He groaned. He leaned over and spat into the toilet bowl. 

“Are you high?” 

“Yes.” 

There was silence for the moment. Terras happily relished in the silence, taking a few deep breaths to try a calm down his stomach. At the same time, his thoughts wondered.

You should be eating less. You should be working out more. Run more. Fuck. He forgot to eat today until five minutes into that party. Alcohol has calories, he’d be fine. He figured he’d be fine. Then he smoked. A lot. Dartol just walked up to him and GAVE him weed, what was he supposed to do? Then he ate three happy meals. 

Then he threw up.

He doesn’t remember whether he forced his fingers down his throat anymore.

“Am I gonna need to call the paramedics or somethin’?”

…

“Terras!”

“No-- no. I’m alright.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.. I am.” He pulled away from the toilet bowl, wiping off a string of drool from his lips. “I’m a coward anyways. Besides, mom doesn’t deserve that.”

“You need a fucking therapist.”

“I have--”

“Ardelle isn’t a fucking therapist.”

“Why do you care so much dude?” He groaned, curling up into the fetal position against the sink, hugging his knees. 

“Because your corpse is gonna stick up the house.”

…

“Yeah.. I’m.. that was bad. I’m sorry.” Noitora sighed. He probably had his headphones on. It was illegal to drive with earbuds on in their state. “It’s just… this was always your job.”

Terras’ thoughts were loud. He never though silence could actually be as loud as it was right now. It made it hard to listen to the phone, despite the speaker and the echo. Terras sniffled.

This was his territory. He could comfort anyone, no matter the situation. He had the magic touch, when it came to these things. 

Except for himself.

Terras knew what the problem was. He was fully aware of his problems, but he was pretty much content with letting them control him or run buck wild. He took everyone else’s pain. It was easier, than dealing with his own issues. He hated seeing other people suffer, but himself? He was a pro. What was one more day, compared to the twenty four years he’d lived before this?

“Terras.” 

…

“I’m calling your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” He croaked. His throat felt tight. 

“I’m calling Keenan. I’m stuck in traffic.”

“Don’t.”

“Too fucking bad. I need someone to watch you, man. This shit’s making me nervous. I’m putting you on hold.”

Terras turned rabid.

He leapt at the phone like an animal pouncing on its prey, murder in his eyes. 

“No!” He snarled, “I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD NOITORA WARD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” He screamed. He was screaming like a child, like his life depending on it. Teeth bared, stance low. Like an animal. Like a cornered animal.

The phone beeped. He was on hold.

His lip quivered.

“FUCK!” He let out a final cry of anguish before sloughed down to the floor. He was covered in bile, booze and he was fairly certain he was crying. Some of his hair was sticking to his wet cheek. He didn’t have the strength to get up.

Time was a strange thing when one was laying on the bathroom floor at three in the morning dissociating. Sometimes seconds seemed to last for hours, versus minutes, that seemed to last for a millisecond. Then the bathroom door opened.

“There you are.” That damn voice. It was familiar, and it was welcome. It sounded relieved that it had found him.

“Is he alright?” Another voice. It hurt.

Keenan scooped him up. Rubbed on his mouth a bit, wiping off the drool and bile that still clung to his chin and lips. “Kal.” Keenan said to his current boyfriend. “Water. Please.”

Kalsifer said nothing and left the room. Perhaps he sensed Terras’ hurt. Maybe seeing his boyfriend cradling his disaster of an ex just made him uncomfortable. It was probably the former.

“Come here.” Keenan mumbled, hefting Terras into his arms. Terras curled up in a ball in Keenan’s arms, sobbing like a child. Kalsifer had come back. “Bedroom.” Keenan said to him, before nosing the door open with his foot.

His ex boyfriend laid him down on his bed and pulled the comforter over him like he was a small child going to bed. Then he sat down beside him and took the glass of water from Kalsifer, offering it to Terras. “Come on, just a few sips and I’ll let you sleep.”

Terras did as he was told, relinquishing control over himself for a few moments. He hated this. He hated the kid gloves. He hated being babied and treated like a crazy person. He knew he was a fucking psycho, but he hated being treated like it. He wanted to be normal. He wanted for this end.

He wanted to die.

“There you go.” Keenan cooed, stroking his forehead. “Take a nap. Noitora and Ardelle will be home soon. We’re all gonna talk about this, alright?”

Terras said nothing. He relished the physical contact. He pushed his head into Keenan’s hand, nuzzling it. Seeking any form of comfort he could.

“I care about you.”

He lies. “I know.”

“You know you can’t fix him, right?” Kalsifer said, trying to be gentle, once Terras had gone to sleep. Keenan had been frantic. “He has to do this himself.”

“I know.” Keenan replied.


End file.
